Pro-Life and Pro-Choice: Leave Me and My Dead Baby Alone

Posted on 02 May 2009 by HanamiMama

Governor Sarah Palin this week signed a bill into law enabling grieving parents in Alaska to apply for and receive an official birth certificate for their much-loved and much-wanted stillborn babies. This seemingly simple bill has, once again, ignited a firestorm of controversy among opposing sides of the abortion debate. Any mother who has labored for hours, often more than a full day, or had her uterus cut open in a last ditch effort to save her baby’s life — only to bring forth a dead child — has been through enough trauma without becoming the rope in a tug-of-war between the liberal left and the conservative right.

Pro-choicers vehemently oppose any language that would grant the status of “human being” on an unborn child, regardless of gestation — four weeks or forty weeks, it doesn’t matter. Until there is no longer those few inches of mom’s flesh between child and the outside world, pro-choice advocates need that baby to be called “fetus.” It’s a slippery slope of legal jargon. Admitting that a baby who makes it to 20 weeks gestation and beyond (the medical definition of stillbirth) is an actual human being may, over time, lead to the legal definition of a fertilized egg as a human being as well — thus effectively illegalizing abortion. I read a pro-choicer’s comment today who said, “one problem: you can’t be born if you’re dead.” I imagine he was speaking metaphorically because, as a mother who went through 41 weeks of pregnancy and 23 hours of a labor, only to push out a dead son, I can assure you it is quite possible for a baby to be born after he dies. In fact, the physical process of labor and delivery — the unrelenting contractions, the uncontrollable shaking and increase in blood pressure, the utter exhaustion from pushing your baby through the birth canal, the tearing and ripping of your flesh — they are the same whether the baby is alive or dead. I have given birth twice: once to a dead baby and once to a living baby. It was the same process both times.

The pro-lifers are no better than their antagonists on this issue. Rather than sponsor this type of legislation out of a legitimate concern for grieving parents, they use it as a poorly veiled attempt to further their political agenda. They see our tragedy as a vehicle for changing the legal definition of a fetus, which would, of course, hasten their goal of illegalizing abortion. Pro-lifers are announcing Palin’s signing of this Alaska state bill into law as a “respect for the sanctity of life.” While I would never argue that my stillborn son, Nicolas, is undeserving of such a description, I can’t help but be irritated by the pro-life advocates’ choice of words — the same words they use to argue against abortion. Their announcement smacks of a political poke at pro-choice advocates, which makes their seeming support of grieving parents insincere at best.

Something as simple as a birth certificate for stillborn babies to recognize the fact that the mother still gave birth and her child was real, even if it is termed a “Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth” in an effort to pacify the temper-tantrum-throwing political left and right, should not be such a controversy. I mean, really, who but the grieving parent should care?

This fight has nothing to do with us. Take your political agenda somewhere else.

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Related posts:

  1. Global Alliance to Prevent Prematurity and Stillbirth (GAPPS)

1 Comments For This Post

  1. Leah Says:

    Thank you. As a parent who has given birth to a dead son, I couldn’t agree more. I experienced the priest at our church slip in a few remarks about “life” at our son’s memorial service. And I couldn’t believe it. Through my grief I hadn’t considered the ripe political ground that our tradgedy was. This from the church who just told me that my still son couldn’t be baptised and was condemned to live all of eternity in purgatory. Ha! That pretty much did it for me and my church! My baby deserves more than that. No pawn, thank you very much. And he’s in heaven, if there is one!!
    I’m sorry for your loss and I think your photography is beautiful.
    Leah

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