A study into the long-term consequences of the death of an infant on surviving siblings has recently been published. While the focus of the study involved infants who died in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), it seems the implications can also explain the affects of stillbirth, as well as the death of older babies, on living siblings. One of the most interesting findings shows that regardless of when the baby died – either before or after the surviving siblings were born – there was no change in how the living brothers and sisters dealt with the loss.
I have often wondered how Nicolas’ death will affect my living son, Christopher Nicolas, who was born three days shy of Nicolas’ first birthday in February 2007. My need to honor and celebrate Nicolas’ memory through displaying his photographs all over my home, lighting candles on important days, wearing special memorial jewelry – and simply speaking his name – has at times competed with my need to protect Christopher. My instinct tells me Christopher will be a better person for having known his brother, if only through my memories. But I worry that introducing the concept of death, and that death can happen suddenly and unexpectedly even to healthy infants and children, will be a lesson on the cruelty and unfairness of life – a lesson Christopher should not have to learn at such a young age.
I was relieved to read, at least according to this study, that creating rituals in celebration of the baby who died – sharing photographs and memorial keepsakes, participating in family traditions to honor birthdays and holidays – establishes a symbolic link between siblings and connects them in healthy ways. Surviving siblings who grow up celebrating the memory of their deceased baby brother or sister experience fewer negative consequences and feelings than those whose parents kept their grief for the baby private. Parents who try to shield their surviving children by never speaking of the baby who died ironically cause more trauma in the long term.
Death Of A Child In The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit: Long-term Consequences For Siblings
ScienceDaily (2009-04-06) — Little is known about the long-term effects of the death of a child in the neonatal intensive care unit on survivor siblings. These siblings may encounter unforeseen emotional difficulties and developmental consequences that can occur whether the siblings are born before or after the infant’s death. … > read full article
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